Home and Recovering

This has been the hardest trial of my life. After confirming that we had lost our baby at 14 weeks (there is only a 2-3% chance of miscarriage after the 12th week) our doctor scheduled us to have a 'D&E' done on Saturday morning in Washington DC near the White House. A 'D&E' is a little more involved than a 'D&C' and we had to have it done because I was too far along to just have a 'D&C'. So Saturday morning Abe and I drove into DC to for the surgery. I won't go into all of the details, all I will say is that they sent us to a really ghetto abortion clinic. The waiting room was packed with people to abort their perfectly healthy babies. For many of them this was not their first time doing so. There were so many people packed into the waiting room that many of us had to wait out in the hallway. After being there for over an hour we found out that they don't even take insurance! We were both so upset by this time that we chose to leave. It was a horrible place to be in our situation and I was so glad to leave, only now we didn't know what to do. All the doctors offices were closed because it was Saturday. I couldn't help but think that there had to be at least one doctor in the Hospital near us that could perform a 'D&E'. So we decided to go to the hospital to ask. We went to the ER and explained that we just wanted to know if there was a doctor in the hospital that could do it and if so we wanted to get an appointment set up. They insisted that we had to be admitted to even discuss anything with a doctor. So I had to go through triage and they took us back into the ER where they paged my doctor. She came in to see us about 1 hour after we got there. She was a little confused as to why we were in the ER and why we didn't have the procedure done in the abortion clinic. We explained everything to her and she said that there was another doctor in the hospital that would be able to do a 'D&E' on me with her if we could wait till Tuesday. We agreed and went home.
On Sunday, I opted to stay home from church and Abe decided to go to Sacrament meeting. I was feeling okay all morning, but still pretty emotional from the previous day. Just as Abe got home, the pain started getting worse. I had a prescription for a narcotic pain killer but I didn't want to take them if I didn't need to so I took a couple Tylenol instead ( I definitely should have taken the stronger stuff though). Within the next 10 minutes the pain was horrible, but by then it was too late to take anything else. Abe and I were sitting on the couch and I just suddenly knew that I wasn't going to make it until Tuesday. I should have gone to the ER right then but I didn't. Within the next few minutes I was bleeding so heavily that Abe paged my doctor and she told us to get to the ER right away. If I were not so far along she said I would be alright to pass everything on my own but being this far along there is a high risk of hemorrhaging. What I didn't know at the time was that I had already passed the baby. Abe rushed me to the ER. I was a little hysterical and because I was hyperventilating they couldn't get an IV in me. After 2 tries with lots of digging around with the needle they got it in and started pumping me full of pain meds. I was grateful to have the pain gone, but now I was more focused on the emotional effect this was all having on us. They drew some blood when they first put in the IV but soon a nurse came in and said that the sample they had gotten had clotted and they needed another one. So they had to stick me again! Suddenly out of nowhere my sweet visiting teacher and friend Jenny came in with flowers! We asked her how she knew we were here and she said that they had gone to our apartment and when we weren't there they felt like we were probably in the hospital somewhere so they came over and asked around till they found us. I truly feel that they were prompted to find us. Her husband was with her so he was able to be there to assist Abe in giving me a blessing before I went in for surgery. We are so lucky to have a ward family here to take care of us. I don't think I had ever realized just how important that is until now. Soon the doctor came in and they took me up to the OR. I remember meeting the anesthesiologist and he explained to me that since I had eaten within the last few hours they would have to put a breathing tube down my throat once I was under. I don't really remember much after that. I just remember waking up and having Abe help me into bed at home. A few hours later our friends that we had plans to have Easter dinner with earlier that day brought over a really nice Easter meal for us. I woke up and ate a little so I could take my meds. Then I was out for the rest of the night.

This morning I am feeling like I was hit by a truck. My entire body is sore, I must have been really tensed up yesterday. Even though I am sore we are grateful to have the hardest part over. We are taking it easy for now, but we can finally say that we are on the road to recovery. This experience, while horrible, has taught me a lot. Having this happen over Easter weekend also helped us put things into an eternal perspective. I feel closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ than ever before, because I know that he is the only one who truly knows exactly what I have gone through and how it felt. It is because of his Atoning sacrifice that I know that we will be an eternal family and someday we will be together again. We are also so thankful to have so many people that love us and have supported us throughout this trial. We are more loved than we realized. Thank you for all of your kind words and prayers. In the moments where I felt complete despair it was the love of the people around me and the truth of the gospel that gave me comfort. Thank you.